Category Archives: Motherhood

Learning to Love Shopping Again

Family, Grief, Motherhood, , ,
My daughter, Amber, enjoying a shopping trip at her Nannie’s favourite store (Chapters/Indigo)

Mum and I used to have an inside joke about how neither of us liked shopping, but when we shopped together, we always had a good time.

Mum didn’t have a car, so I would pick her up every week to go grocery shopping or run various errands.

And for Christmas shopping, we would make a whole day of it. First, I would pick her up, and we would go out for “breakfast” (since she was a late sleeper, her breakfast was usually my lunchtime). Then, the rest of the day was spent checking off items on her “list.” She always had a meticulous Christmas list, and we would shop until the entire list was complete.

Shopping took on a life of its own once my daughter was born. Being her only grandchild, Amber was the centre of Mum’s universe, and no expense was ever spared.

When Amber was old enough, she often joined us on our weekly girls’ shopping trip. Turns out, my daughter loves to shop! Mum and I would laugh and say, “She didn’t get it from us.”

After Mum passed away, shopping became something I avoided unless I absolutely had to. And when I could bring myself to go, I avoided the stores Mum and I used to shop at because it was just too painful to go in without her.

But over time, my shopping-obsessed daughter wore me down, and now shopping together is a treasured activity. In fact, hanging out at the mall with her is like my new favourite thing. We walk around window shopping, and often stop to have a meal at the food court.

I am now able to visit Mum’s favourite stores again and smile, remembering the fun times we shared, despite our “we hate shopping” stance.

Honestly, though, I don’t think either one of us really “hated” shopping. I think it was just less fun when we shopped alone or with the “wrong” people.

But shopping with Mum, and now my daughter, has taught me that shopping can be a bonding experience like no other—when you do it with the “right” people.

How to Keep That Summer Feeling All Year Round

Appreciation, Family, Life, Motherhood, , ,
Image credit: Artwork by author’s daughter

Everyone who knows me well understands that summertime is my season. 

If you can’t get a hold of me (which is more often than usual), it is because I am away from my phone, enjoying a swim somewhere. I am either in a pool, a lake, or at a waterpark with my daughter. 

I take most of my holiday time from work in the summer months. I spread my holidays out so I can take two or three longer breaks from work in July and August, when the weather is the best. 

Summer is so beloved to me that I even have summer playlists – songs and albums that capture the essence and spirit of my summer vibe. My daughter has also adopted this habit – she will say, “Listen to this Mom! It sounds like summer music.” 

Now that I am older, I realize that summer is not just my favourite season, but a way of life that best captures who I am as a person. 

Spending endless hours outside, enjoying and exercising in nature. 

No makeup, hair pulled back in a ponytail. 

Less structure and overly planned activities. 

Less work, more play.

Then, when the fall hits each year, I inevitably enter my summer withdrawal period. 

Back to school for my daughter means vacations and outdoor swimming are over. School and work responsibilities will again take over, and extracurricular activities will start back up. 

I go through a real and deep sadness and ache for summer that is only ever so briefly relieved by the beauty of the autumn leaves. Then, the brutal and cold Canadian winter takes over everything. 

I know it’s not healthy to constantly pine away for a season that only lasts three months of the year. So I am going to try harder to find ways to keep that summer feeling alive through the rest of the year, too. 

Because to be truly happy in life, I know it’s important to find ways to engage in all of it…not just the parts of it I like the best.

So I will try to find more reasons to get outside and enjoy what is beautiful about the other seasons.

I will free up more time in our lives for unplanned and unstructured activities.

Just because summer vacations are over doesn’t mean work, school and extracurriculars have to take up every free minute of our lives the rest of the year. 

We all need room in our schedules to breathe. To fully relax and recharge. Not just three months out of every year.

Things No One Tells You About Parenthood

Family, Motherhood

🌟 In raising your children, you will get to live your childhood all over again, except this time, through the eyes of your parents. And once your children are grown, you will come to understand and appreciate your parents in ways you never fully expected to.

🌟 Where you once craved adventure and taking risks, parenthood will make you prioritize safety and security. When you are responsible for another human being, living on the edge doesn’t hold quite the same appeal.

🌟 You will at some point be consumed with thoughts of your own mortality. Thinking about what will happen to your children and who will take care of them once you are gone will literally keep you up at night.

🌟 Your life becomes divided into two parts: before and after children. It will become hard once you have your children to remember your old life without them.

🌟 Parenthood changes you on a molecular level. After raising your children, you will look back at the old version of yourself and it will be like looking at a complete stranger.

How Did I Get So Lucky?

Motherhood
Photo credit: Aimee C. Trafton

Every day I look at you
and wonder how
I got so lucky.

You are more than
I could have ever imagined
a daughter would be.

You are beauty.

You are sunshine.

But it is your heart
that I am most proud of.

You are kind and compassionate
to anyone lucky enough
to circle your orbit.

You treat people
with respect and dignity.

You do the right thing
even when no one
is watching.

I am thankful every day
that I was the lucky one
chosen to be your mother.

The Lessons You Have Taught Me

Motherhood
Photo credit : Aimee C. Trafton

When you become a mother to a baby girl, you are expected to become a role model for her.

To teach her all of the valuable life lessons she will need to know to transition from childhood to adulthood.

But what I never expected as a mother was the life lessons you would teach me in return.

You have taught me to open my eyes to the beauty around me.

To notice the everyday, simple things that bring us joy.

To see possibilities instead of obstacles.

To listen more than I speak.

To be open-minded to new ideas.

And that, at the end of the day, all that matters is the love and kindness we share with others.

Never Forget

Life, Motherhood
Photo credit: Aimee C. Trafton
Never forget to hold your head high and keep moving forward even when your spirit is low.

Never forget to stop and smell the flowers along the path and appreciate all the beauty life offers.

Never forget that being kind to others is always the right choice to make in any given situation.

And never, ever forget that you have a mother who loves you more than anything else in the whole wide world.

Things I Never Told You

Motherhood
Photo credit : Aimee C. Trafton 
I never told you how scared I was to take you home from the hospital after you were born. 

You looked up at me with absolute trust that I knew what I was doing. 

But I was terrified I wouldn't do anything right.     

I never told you that I cried when you started school. 

That I cried when other kids treated you unkindly. 

That I cried pretty much anytime you did when your heart was broken.     

I never told you that being your mother has been my life's greatest gift. 

That you are all I ever wished for and dreamt of. 

That I could not be prouder of who you have become. 

That I will be in your corner forever and always.

The Advent Calendar

Family, Motherhood

My Christmas trees have never been fancy, with perfectly matching ornaments and set color schemes. Instead they are decorated head to toe with ornaments that carry special meaning. Mini photo ornaments of loved ones no longer with us. Ornaments specially ordered and engraved with phrases such as “baby’s first Christmas” or “daughters are special.” The same angel sits atop the tree that has been there since my childhood.

Other than putting up a tree, I never bother putting up too many other decorations. But there is one that holds a special place in my heart.

When I was a child, my mother was part of a neighborhood sewing circle. She and the other women made advent calendars with individually stitched ornaments that you put on each day of December. On Dec. 25, you put on the final ornament, which of course, is Santa.

Growing up, my brother and I took turns every day in December putting on the ornaments. We would switch the order every year so that we could take turns putting on Santa. That advent calendar came out every Christmas without fail. And other than a few sewing touch ups here and there, it stayed in perfect condition, because my mother would pack it away so carefully every year.

Time marched on and I eventually moved out on my own. But my mother kept the tradition alive, first with her and my brother taking turns putting on the ornaments, and then her alone after my brother passed away after a long illness.

When I had my own little girl, my mother offered me the advent calendar, but I wanted to wait until she was old enough to appreciate it (and also not destroy it during her terrible twos).

Then just a few short years later my mother unexpectedly passed away when my daughter was 7. As I was cleaning out her apartment, I came across her overflowing boxes of Christmas ornaments – and our beloved advent calendar, still packed away in the same box it always had been.

Now every December, my daughter continues my childhood ritual of putting on the advent calendar ornaments. And this special connection from my childhood to hers brings me more joy than any fancy ornaments and perfect decorations ever could.